"If you're a fly gal, then get your nails done Get a pedicure, get your hair did."Styling: Jay star Nine
Photography: Emerzy 'Koax' Corbin
Model: Latoya Ize
Missy Elliot - 'Work It'
Tuesday 14 April 2009
THE POWER OF A SISTER
Chuck D from the infamous rap group Public Enemy has decided that 2009 is going to be the year of the female emcee. Making it his crusade to find female talent, he says: “In 09, my fighting the power is for women in hip-hop. Especially, groups, song writers and label heads. There are very few women rap groups, less than what we had twenty-five-years-ago.”
Apart from pointing out the obvious, Chuck D, now-turned-label-boss, is making a valid point. Female rappers have virtually disappeared to the no-career-land of hip-hop oblivion. Let’s takes a quick test. Name your top three rappers of all time. Now, out of them, how many were female? If all three, then you were clearly guilt tripped by the previous sentences. One to two, well done for applying positive discrimination. Zero, you might as well call yourself Snoop Dogg, and show how your“pimp-hand is way strong.”
The contribution that women have played in the progression of hip-hop is pivotal, but as usual but has been forgotten. Tanya Winley, daughter of Paul Winley, founder of Winley Records, (the first record label dedicated to hip-hop music) released ‘Vicious Rap’ in 1980. It was the first commercially recorded hip hop song to feature social commentary rather than just party rhymes. Such records would remain a rarity until the success of 'The Message'by Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five.
Apart from pointing out the obvious, Chuck D, now-turned-label-boss, is making a valid point. Female rappers have virtually disappeared to the no-career-land of hip-hop oblivion. Let’s takes a quick test. Name your top three rappers of all time. Now, out of them, how many were female? If all three, then you were clearly guilt tripped by the previous sentences. One to two, well done for applying positive discrimination. Zero, you might as well call yourself Snoop Dogg, and show how your“pimp-hand is way strong.”
The contribution that women have played in the progression of hip-hop is pivotal, but as usual but has been forgotten. Tanya Winley, daughter of Paul Winley, founder of Winley Records, (the first record label dedicated to hip-hop music) released ‘Vicious Rap’ in 1980. It was the first commercially recorded hip hop song to feature social commentary rather than just party rhymes. Such records would remain a rarity until the success of 'The Message'by Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five.
However, the true female pioneer of hip-hop is Roxanne Shanté, considered by many to have made the first answer song in hip-hop history. In 1984, a then fourteen-year-old girl brought out ‘Roxanne’s Revenge.’ It was in response to U.T.F.O track, ‘Roxanne, Roxanne,’ in which the group dissed the protagonist of the song for spurning their advances. Roxanne Shanté hit back by saying: “So, if you're trying' to be cute and you're trying' to be fine, You need to cut it out 'cause it's all in your mind.” The long and the short of it was that these grown men got told off by a teenage school girl. Lauryn Hill was the first rapper to be awarded ‘Album of the Year’ at the Grammy Awards in 1999. The role which women have played in advancing the genre is akin to a witness giving evidence in a Mafia murder case: silenced and never heard of again. If this is the unfortunate status quo for female rap, how can this moribund genre be saved?
The current state of hip-hop is like a sufferer of Alzheimer's. This once conscious genre has regressed to the maturity of a teenage boy on heat. Both male and female rappers are recycling the same old, clichéd sexual braggadocio and gangsterism. It seems light years ago that hip-hop had something intelligent and remotely cerebral to say. The present capitalist nature of the genre has resulted in it being stripped of authenticity and the female voice has been reduced to the ‘jezebel image.’ Female rappers of the Golden Age of Hip-hop had more poignant things to say from, female equality to safe sex. But their contemporary sisters seem more concerned about receiving oral sex. Queen Latifah’s lyrics advocated a positive feminist stance. Her song ‘Ladies First’ (with the UK female rapper Monie Love) championed respect for women.
In the late 90s MC Lyte showed that female rappers did not have to compromise their sexuality to get their voices heard. Sha Rock, part of the first rap group from the Bronx, Funky Four Plus One More, provided intelligent lyrics which proved her worth. These rappers were a product of the zeitgeist; the post black-power-generation was still in tune to Afrocentric ideas and the real roots of what hip-hop was all about.
By the early nineties, the mood of hip-hop was beginning to change. The brutal attack on Rodney King in 1991 by the LAPD and the murder of Latasha Harlins by a Korean shop owner were both catalysts for the LA Riots. The many ‘hood’ films, such as, ‘Menace to Society’ and ‘Boyz in the Hood’ brought South Central LA to national attention. Along came Warren G, Snoop Dog, Dr. Dre and Nate Dogg - all of whom were from the G-Funk (Gangsta Funk) era which was unique to the West Coast. With this area experiencing poor social housing, low educational achievement, high unemployment and continuous police harassment, what was the black male supposed to aspire to? These artists provided an alternative to the erosion of black male masculinity, with their brash lyrics that advocated violence, misogyny and the pimping lifestyle. Rap was the perfect tool for these male rappers to promote their hyper masculinity to which women were an extension of their pimping lifestyle. This in turn naturally provoked a female backlash. Salt’n’Pepper - a trio from New York, espoused lyrics which focused on sexual competence, preaching safe sex and the values of finding a good man. The female rappers from the West Coast too adopted a brooding style. YoYo told us, well, not to mess with her YoYo and Lady of Rage informed us not to annoy her because: “I rock rough and tough with my Afro Puffs.”
Women in hip-hop have been subsequently cheapened and reduced from the majestic, intelligent female rappers to the status of booty-shakers in the male rappers’s one dimensional music videos. The gangster lifestyle determined what rap was going to be about: sex, drugs, ‘the hood,’ misogyny and materialism. If female rappers wanted to be part of that picture, then they had to fit into the already male-decided paradigms. The famous “hip-hop intellectual” Michael Eric Dyson, a Professor at George Town University in DC, has written: “The success of female rappers Has suffered as a result of the prerogative of men who set the standards for what’s acceptable in hip-hop and set the lyrics, the styles and what genres will be most popular.” This is where female rap went seriously wrong - by compromising the femininity of its protagonists.
The simultaneous emergence of late 90s female rappers like Foxy Brown, Lil Kim and Da Brat set the first agenda for female rap. To get into the spot light, you must be the first and only lady of an all male rap crew. If you think about it, most of the contemporary female rappers have stemmed from male groups, such as Rah Digga from Flip Mode Squad, Eve from Ruff Ryders and Remy Ma of The Terror Squad, to name but a few. Once these females made their debut as solo artists, their careers were dependant upon the success and popularity of their male counterparts. Secondly, as a contemporary female rapper, your sexuality and braggadocio must “out male” the men. Andy Cowan, Editor of Hip-Hop Connection magazine, thinks: “The female rap cause was put back immeasurably by the brief reigns of Foxy Brown and Lil’Kim. By reducing the whole female experience to mere sexuality, in Lil Kim’s case near porn, they played into the hands of chauvinistic stereotypes the world over.”
Although, these two females subverted the roles of women in hip-hop, they also conformed to hackneyed stereotypes of black female sexuality. It was rare for females to be so sexually crass in their lyrics and to reduce men to sexual objects. But they reinforced the negative and erroneous image of the black woman as sexually lascivious and sexually deviant which has plagued black women since the days of slavery. Mimi Valdes, the former Editor of Vibe magazine, once said: “It seemed like the female artists mentored by male MCs to look and sound a different. Biggie developed Lil’Kim and Jay Z was working with Foxy Brown. I think they are strong women and took advantage of America’s obsession with sex.”
The plight of the female rap cause has been extensively ridiculed by VH1’s ‘Miss Rap Supreme,’ which was supposed to find ‘the new queen of female rap.’ The show ignominiously ended in April 2008, and the winner Reece Steele is exactly where she started off with: no record deal. Female rappers now have to contend with r’n’b artists who are literally stealing their act. The revamping of r’n’b’ music in the last couple of years has taken on a much harder, more street persona. Ebro Darren, Music Director of the US hip-hop radio station Hot 97, said in an article: “Fergie and Gwen Stephanie do not have street or emcee credibility. But they are selling the hip-hop lifestyle and that is what is getting them the audience.” If the boundaries between r’n’b’ and hip-hop are becoming increasingly blurred, where does this leave female rap?
Whether you have realised it or not, there are no females on the same level as Jay Z or P Diddy, for instance. There are no female hip-hop moguls who are influencing the genre for the commercial gain of women and overseeing how they are represented. If we had more women in rap doing the controlling, instead of being controlled, things would be much better. Ice T, one of the most famous rappers from the West-Coast- Gangster- Rap era, once remarked: “Rap is very aggressive, testosterone based, hard-core music at its base. To rap, you’ve got to stand on the stage and say I’m the best and that is what’s up. It’s very narcissistic music. It takes a special woman to be able to pull that off.”
But, contrary to what Ice T said, I think that in 2009 there are plenty of ‘special’ women who are ready to change the chauvinistic face of hip-hop. Let’s hope they come forward, because hip-hop as a genre urgently needs them.
The current state of hip-hop is like a sufferer of Alzheimer's. This once conscious genre has regressed to the maturity of a teenage boy on heat. Both male and female rappers are recycling the same old, clichéd sexual braggadocio and gangsterism. It seems light years ago that hip-hop had something intelligent and remotely cerebral to say. The present capitalist nature of the genre has resulted in it being stripped of authenticity and the female voice has been reduced to the ‘jezebel image.’ Female rappers of the Golden Age of Hip-hop had more poignant things to say from, female equality to safe sex. But their contemporary sisters seem more concerned about receiving oral sex. Queen Latifah’s lyrics advocated a positive feminist stance. Her song ‘Ladies First’ (with the UK female rapper Monie Love) championed respect for women.
In the late 90s MC Lyte showed that female rappers did not have to compromise their sexuality to get their voices heard. Sha Rock, part of the first rap group from the Bronx, Funky Four Plus One More, provided intelligent lyrics which proved her worth. These rappers were a product of the zeitgeist; the post black-power-generation was still in tune to Afrocentric ideas and the real roots of what hip-hop was all about.
By the early nineties, the mood of hip-hop was beginning to change. The brutal attack on Rodney King in 1991 by the LAPD and the murder of Latasha Harlins by a Korean shop owner were both catalysts for the LA Riots. The many ‘hood’ films, such as, ‘Menace to Society’ and ‘Boyz in the Hood’ brought South Central LA to national attention. Along came Warren G, Snoop Dog, Dr. Dre and Nate Dogg - all of whom were from the G-Funk (Gangsta Funk) era which was unique to the West Coast. With this area experiencing poor social housing, low educational achievement, high unemployment and continuous police harassment, what was the black male supposed to aspire to? These artists provided an alternative to the erosion of black male masculinity, with their brash lyrics that advocated violence, misogyny and the pimping lifestyle. Rap was the perfect tool for these male rappers to promote their hyper masculinity to which women were an extension of their pimping lifestyle. This in turn naturally provoked a female backlash. Salt’n’Pepper - a trio from New York, espoused lyrics which focused on sexual competence, preaching safe sex and the values of finding a good man. The female rappers from the West Coast too adopted a brooding style. YoYo told us, well, not to mess with her YoYo and Lady of Rage informed us not to annoy her because: “I rock rough and tough with my Afro Puffs.”
Women in hip-hop have been subsequently cheapened and reduced from the majestic, intelligent female rappers to the status of booty-shakers in the male rappers’s one dimensional music videos. The gangster lifestyle determined what rap was going to be about: sex, drugs, ‘the hood,’ misogyny and materialism. If female rappers wanted to be part of that picture, then they had to fit into the already male-decided paradigms. The famous “hip-hop intellectual” Michael Eric Dyson, a Professor at George Town University in DC, has written: “The success of female rappers Has suffered as a result of the prerogative of men who set the standards for what’s acceptable in hip-hop and set the lyrics, the styles and what genres will be most popular.” This is where female rap went seriously wrong - by compromising the femininity of its protagonists.
The simultaneous emergence of late 90s female rappers like Foxy Brown, Lil Kim and Da Brat set the first agenda for female rap. To get into the spot light, you must be the first and only lady of an all male rap crew. If you think about it, most of the contemporary female rappers have stemmed from male groups, such as Rah Digga from Flip Mode Squad, Eve from Ruff Ryders and Remy Ma of The Terror Squad, to name but a few. Once these females made their debut as solo artists, their careers were dependant upon the success and popularity of their male counterparts. Secondly, as a contemporary female rapper, your sexuality and braggadocio must “out male” the men. Andy Cowan, Editor of Hip-Hop Connection magazine, thinks: “The female rap cause was put back immeasurably by the brief reigns of Foxy Brown and Lil’Kim. By reducing the whole female experience to mere sexuality, in Lil Kim’s case near porn, they played into the hands of chauvinistic stereotypes the world over.”
Although, these two females subverted the roles of women in hip-hop, they also conformed to hackneyed stereotypes of black female sexuality. It was rare for females to be so sexually crass in their lyrics and to reduce men to sexual objects. But they reinforced the negative and erroneous image of the black woman as sexually lascivious and sexually deviant which has plagued black women since the days of slavery. Mimi Valdes, the former Editor of Vibe magazine, once said: “It seemed like the female artists mentored by male MCs to look and sound a different. Biggie developed Lil’Kim and Jay Z was working with Foxy Brown. I think they are strong women and took advantage of America’s obsession with sex.”
The plight of the female rap cause has been extensively ridiculed by VH1’s ‘Miss Rap Supreme,’ which was supposed to find ‘the new queen of female rap.’ The show ignominiously ended in April 2008, and the winner Reece Steele is exactly where she started off with: no record deal. Female rappers now have to contend with r’n’b artists who are literally stealing their act. The revamping of r’n’b’ music in the last couple of years has taken on a much harder, more street persona. Ebro Darren, Music Director of the US hip-hop radio station Hot 97, said in an article: “Fergie and Gwen Stephanie do not have street or emcee credibility. But they are selling the hip-hop lifestyle and that is what is getting them the audience.” If the boundaries between r’n’b’ and hip-hop are becoming increasingly blurred, where does this leave female rap?
Whether you have realised it or not, there are no females on the same level as Jay Z or P Diddy, for instance. There are no female hip-hop moguls who are influencing the genre for the commercial gain of women and overseeing how they are represented. If we had more women in rap doing the controlling, instead of being controlled, things would be much better. Ice T, one of the most famous rappers from the West-Coast- Gangster- Rap era, once remarked: “Rap is very aggressive, testosterone based, hard-core music at its base. To rap, you’ve got to stand on the stage and say I’m the best and that is what’s up. It’s very narcissistic music. It takes a special woman to be able to pull that off.”
But, contrary to what Ice T said, I think that in 2009 there are plenty of ‘special’ women who are ready to change the chauvinistic face of hip-hop. Let’s hope they come forward, because hip-hop as a genre urgently needs them.
Golden Touch
GoldieLocks is one of the few Grime emcees making an impact on the scene. With her pic’n’mix style of, grime, electro and hip-hop, she has worked with a catalogue of artists spanning many musical genres. Sarah Louise Akwisombe is not just a pretty face, she is also a producer and hosts her own Grime night.
Born and bred in Croydon and according to GoldieLocks the best thing about her ends is “Dub Step” (a sub genre of the UK Garage with more emphasis on the bass). Her passion for spitting comes secondary to her first love affair of making beats. After attending a local music course, her tutors suggested she should add vocals to her beats - wham-bam we have the musical maestro that is GoldieLocks. She has been producing since her mid-teens and her song ‘Kid’ was a part of the ‘Adulthood’ soundtrack. So she should be one to know when a track is going to be shit-hot, her advice is: “When you are making your own music, you have to be your own judge. You got to think how it is going to be catchy. Sometimes you start something and you know it is going to be good.” She is a part of the Sick Kids, a Grime crew consisting of: Jackson Kid! Le Le and herself. The trio met whilst working at JD Sports, if she could amalgamate their personalities to create a super being, she plots: “My beat making, Leanne’s rapping and Kelly’s comedy genius.”
The twenty-three-year-old-quarter-Swede has been married for nearly four years and is a through and through hustler. She has her fingers in all the porridges: she self manages, plays two instruments, runs her own Grime night, produces her own t-shirts and has even worked at Starbucks. What is missing from the list? “I am quite a good cook,” she adds giggling and she epitomises “I’m Every Woman’” to a whole new level. So is it hard managing your own career and being a wife, she reveals: “I like being in control of it all and seeing the success I have made. It is a lot of things to do, but if you are not afraid of hard work then it is easy. There are some artists who cannot even book themselves a train ticket.”
She has collaborated with a collection of artists, including, Kate Nash and Tinchy Stryder. But she cites the rapper Example as her favourite and commented on what a “laugh” he was. He had the single ‘Vile’ a response to Lilly Allen’s ‘Smile,’ and has also tried his hand at stand-up comedy. She is currently signed to Pure Groove and the petit spitter insists she is still in control: “It is a publishing deal and that is another side to it. Pure Groove puts out really good music, they are still very much an independent company and think in the same way that I do.”
The blonde-haired-rapper has been strangely compared to the likes of Lilly Allen and Duffie. Marking no resemblance musically, a part from being white female artists, she insists that comparisons like that does not annoy her. “I get why they have to do it. They are trying to get people to listen to your music, but it can be annoying when it is all the time but you get used to it.” Being a female artist must have its constraints especially one in an all male scene, she explains: “If you are good at what you do then it does not really matter. Some people like my beats and some people might think my vocal is crap.” Her monthly Grime night, ‘A Hard Knock Wife’ at The Social (a club off Oxford Street) celebrated its first birthday in February, she says about its success: “There are not that many Grime nights, last time we had Jammer [Grime Producer] come down. When I first started it, it was with all my mates and they brought their mates and so on. There has always been a good vibe to it and it has never been a back-against-the-wall kind of thing.”
If you goggle her name it comes up with 424,000 hits and the secret ‘The Hills' and 'Gossip Girls' addict says: “It is probably not all me, it maybe a Goldielocks Salon or something. I don’t get people coming up to me and I don’t feel famous or anything.” Does GoldieLocks ever plan to fix Baby Bear’s chair? She casually says: “If I broke it, I guess I can fix.”
Born and bred in Croydon and according to GoldieLocks the best thing about her ends is “Dub Step” (a sub genre of the UK Garage with more emphasis on the bass). Her passion for spitting comes secondary to her first love affair of making beats. After attending a local music course, her tutors suggested she should add vocals to her beats - wham-bam we have the musical maestro that is GoldieLocks. She has been producing since her mid-teens and her song ‘Kid’ was a part of the ‘Adulthood’ soundtrack. So she should be one to know when a track is going to be shit-hot, her advice is: “When you are making your own music, you have to be your own judge. You got to think how it is going to be catchy. Sometimes you start something and you know it is going to be good.” She is a part of the Sick Kids, a Grime crew consisting of: Jackson Kid! Le Le and herself. The trio met whilst working at JD Sports, if she could amalgamate their personalities to create a super being, she plots: “My beat making, Leanne’s rapping and Kelly’s comedy genius.”
The twenty-three-year-old-quarter-Swede has been married for nearly four years and is a through and through hustler. She has her fingers in all the porridges: she self manages, plays two instruments, runs her own Grime night, produces her own t-shirts and has even worked at Starbucks. What is missing from the list? “I am quite a good cook,” she adds giggling and she epitomises “I’m Every Woman’” to a whole new level. So is it hard managing your own career and being a wife, she reveals: “I like being in control of it all and seeing the success I have made. It is a lot of things to do, but if you are not afraid of hard work then it is easy. There are some artists who cannot even book themselves a train ticket.”
She has collaborated with a collection of artists, including, Kate Nash and Tinchy Stryder. But she cites the rapper Example as her favourite and commented on what a “laugh” he was. He had the single ‘Vile’ a response to Lilly Allen’s ‘Smile,’ and has also tried his hand at stand-up comedy. She is currently signed to Pure Groove and the petit spitter insists she is still in control: “It is a publishing deal and that is another side to it. Pure Groove puts out really good music, they are still very much an independent company and think in the same way that I do.”
The blonde-haired-rapper has been strangely compared to the likes of Lilly Allen and Duffie. Marking no resemblance musically, a part from being white female artists, she insists that comparisons like that does not annoy her. “I get why they have to do it. They are trying to get people to listen to your music, but it can be annoying when it is all the time but you get used to it.” Being a female artist must have its constraints especially one in an all male scene, she explains: “If you are good at what you do then it does not really matter. Some people like my beats and some people might think my vocal is crap.” Her monthly Grime night, ‘A Hard Knock Wife’ at The Social (a club off Oxford Street) celebrated its first birthday in February, she says about its success: “There are not that many Grime nights, last time we had Jammer [Grime Producer] come down. When I first started it, it was with all my mates and they brought their mates and so on. There has always been a good vibe to it and it has never been a back-against-the-wall kind of thing.”
If you goggle her name it comes up with 424,000 hits and the secret ‘The Hills' and 'Gossip Girls' addict says: “It is probably not all me, it maybe a Goldielocks Salon or something. I don’t get people coming up to me and I don’t feel famous or anything.” Does GoldieLocks ever plan to fix Baby Bear’s chair? She casually says: “If I broke it, I guess I can fix.”
Images sourced from: www.myspace.com/goldielocks
this is graffiARTi
Jodie Diaz is a twenty-year-old graffiti artist from Beckton, East London, she has been graffing for several years and her work has been displayed on the platforms at Vauxhall station to t-shirts she has designed. Jay star Nine (j*9) catches up with the raven-haired, Jodie Diaz (JD).
j*9: Off the creative things to do, why did you choose graffing?
j*9: Off the creative things to do, why did you choose graffing?
JD: I chose to do graffing because it’s all around everywhere you go you can find a piece of art especially in the city. It is away to get your opinion across without words, its bold and its attractive, no matter how grimey it may look at times its an emotion.
j*9: What inspires you to graff?
JD: Everything around you can be inspiring, from music and dance to transport. Making dull everyday items into something new is what makes it what it is.
j*9: what is your favourite type of material/canvass to graff on?
JD: Clothing, trainers, anything you can wear! It has a statement you can carry.
j*9: How would you describe your style?
JD: My style is bold, I like to use bright electric colours which stand out, m style varies with my moods. I love the old skool themes I like to mix old skool tattooing styles with new graffiti, like, swallows, anchors etc.
j*9:How is your style unique?
JD: Unique is someone’s opinion to do something different, my style is different because I use many styles combined into one.
j*9: What other graffiti artists do you admire?
JD: A few artist are unknown like my boys Irate & Munch, they are my push forward and always taught me to never give up. Others like Bansky, Revok, Aztec made a passion for art a living and they paved the path for fresh artist to take the same road if they are determined enough.
j*9 Where in the world would be your ideal place to graff?
JD: Every toilet door in every club in the world! Otherwise anywhere in Europe especially Berlin as it’s so in to graffiti and the smallest piece can be appreciated.
Have You Got An Attitude
In life only one person can say they are the first to do something and Jeanette Petri is one of those people. She is the first person to create a hip-hop magazine dedicated to the achievements of women within this musical genre. An Attitude is an annual magazine which features both the pioneers and those waiting to make their mark. Jay Star Nine (j*9) catches up with Jeanette via the World Wide Web.
j*9: You are one of the biggest hip-hop heads, what initially attracted you to this genre?
j*9: You are one of the biggest hip-hop heads, what initially attracted you to this genre?
JP: Hip Hop came into my life as a very young teenager with 11 or 12 years of Public Enemy and LL Cool J. Then I totally lost rap music and punk culture with its revolutionary mind was much more important to me. But year’s later hip-hop came back, especially female Hip Hop. By chance, I heard a Shanté freestyle in the radio while sitting in the car and I was addicted from her first rhyme on. Since then I am really addicted to old school (also new school) and I can't let go. I started digging the females on wax everywhere I could find around the globe and played them in clubs, bars.
j*9: You are a woman of many talents: photographer, film maker and editor, why are you so creative?
JP: Being creative is the best thing.
j*9: What has been the best piece of work you have produced?
JP: I can't say...
j*9: You are a DJ specialising in female spitters, why this particular area?
JP: Really simple, because I love to hear their lyrics, beats in the club, to dance to. I am addicted to old school; I love the energy behind it. But I couldn't find a place where a deejay was spinning these beats .As I started to dig all these female spitters worldwide on wax, you couldn't find anything in the web for example for Roxanne Shanté or in books or magazines. Nowadays, nine years later a lot changed, fortunately, and you can find and get information as much as you want in the web. Also a lot of these early spitters are back on stage. But at that time, the only thing to discover the female side of Hip Hop culture was to find them on vinyl. To hear their stories, to enjoy the lyrics and beats. But that was a big challenge and you had to hunt for it worldwide, because you couldn't find more than one 12" in the whole record store. That was really frustrating, but also a good feeling if you got some. Now it’s a little easier to find rare wax on discogs.com, but it has its price.
j*9: Why did you create An Attitude?
JP: I started An Attitude magazine in 2005. One year before I produced the female rap reader "Here's a little story..."a collection of what I could find concerning female MCs and DJs in books. I have been collecting good magazines all my life, studied photography and video in Art School in Germany and I'm very much addicted to Hip Hop. I felt that there is nothing for the ladies or the contemporary female Hip Hop culture is nonexistent or represented in the media. So all this together brought the idea of starting a magazine of my own to keep a Hip Hop culture alive. And I'm very proud that half of the readership is actually male, because I never wanted to do a magazine for the ladies only.
j*9: Do you have an attitude?
JP: What a question!
j*9: Could An Attitude be described as feminism activism?
JP: Personally I have nothing against feminism, but An Attitude is much more like a feminist project. The feminist idea doesn't stand in the foreground. Ok it’s a magazine where the ladies are presented, but the most Hip Hop magazines are used to present males. But An Attitude is much more interested in opening the Hip Hop world to present people with attitude and who have something to say where hip-Hop is what you came to represent. It is all about a fresh, sexy and clever Hip Hop culture having an attitude, that is all.
j*9: What is your most attractive quality?
JP:Just to do it.9. describe yourself in 3 sentences?only need three words: workaholic, tough, shy.
J*9: What is your gulitiest pleasure?
JP:?
j*9: if you could have special powers what would they be?
JP: More financial support.
j*9: What is missing from your life?
JP:More time for taking pictures.
Images sourced from: http://www.jeanettepetri.com/
The Writings on the Wall
Most ten-year-old-girls are now more concerned about matching their eye shadow to the colour of their top, but Solvieg Barlow is not most ten-year-old-girls. Taking the intricate art form of colouring in to a higher level, this preteen's graffiti art pieces have taken the Art world by storm.
At aged eight she asked her dad for some spray cans after watching some graffiti artists at work in her home town of Brighton. Since then, she has created over twenty large pieces of work in and around graffiti sites in home town. She has also painted on the Berlin Wall as well as Portsmouth Football Club at the Frattch Park Stadium.
Solvieg, which means sunray in Norwegian, she was named in tribute to her grandmother and says about her talent in an interview with The Sun: “I love painting and I hope I can be really good in the future. I am not sure where I get my inspiration from; I must have a good imagination.”
She has just started her own graffiti crew, called, All Girl Crew and on her flickr profile she says: “Watch out for me. I am ten. I am female.” Just the type of B*I*T*C*H*£*S attitude we desperately need.
At aged eight she asked her dad for some spray cans after watching some graffiti artists at work in her home town of Brighton. Since then, she has created over twenty large pieces of work in and around graffiti sites in home town. She has also painted on the Berlin Wall as well as Portsmouth Football Club at the Frattch Park Stadium.
Solvieg, which means sunray in Norwegian, she was named in tribute to her grandmother and says about her talent in an interview with The Sun: “I love painting and I hope I can be really good in the future. I am not sure where I get my inspiration from; I must have a good imagination.”
She has just started her own graffiti crew, called, All Girl Crew and on her flickr profile she says: “Watch out for me. I am ten. I am female.” Just the type of B*I*T*C*H*£*S attitude we desperately need.
Just Faffing Around
Faffinette is a legend in her own right. She is one of the most well known graffiti artists to have come out of France. Her designs have been displayed across the world, including, Japan, Australia, America and Britain leaving no corner of the earth safe.
Born and raised in Toulouse, France, her strong presence in the graffiti and fine art scenes was first witnessed on the walls in her home town back in 1994. She gave us sexy, funny and sometimes aggressive female caricatures that challenged the representation of women.
Her distinctive designs have caught the eyes of many corporate companies who have hunted down the exclusive artist to reinterpret her designs and ‘faffinette’ their image. She has worked with Sony where she designed a six-character toy set for their ‘Time Capsule’ collection. She has also worked in conjunction with, Addidas, Le Sport Sac and even Coca-Cola. Last year she collaborated with the cosmetic company Mac and produced a make-up palette in homage to her candy-coloured spray cans that she uses for her own masterpieces. In an interview, she said about the experience: “It is regular make-up with Fafi packaging and it is a crazy product with crazy textures.” As with all geniuses it is only a matter of time before others become inspired and reciprocate your ideas in their work. In the Mark Ronson and Lilly Allen video for their song ‘Oh My God,’ featured a faffinette inspired character used to depict Lilly Allen.
She has also made up her own universe of characters, including Eniko, Ermie and Monoka who were all used for the packing for her Mac products. They come from the make believe world of Camine Vault, which is a secret place for her and her work to escape to.
Born and raised in Toulouse, France, her strong presence in the graffiti and fine art scenes was first witnessed on the walls in her home town back in 1994. She gave us sexy, funny and sometimes aggressive female caricatures that challenged the representation of women.
Her distinctive designs have caught the eyes of many corporate companies who have hunted down the exclusive artist to reinterpret her designs and ‘faffinette’ their image. She has worked with Sony where she designed a six-character toy set for their ‘Time Capsule’ collection. She has also worked in conjunction with, Addidas, Le Sport Sac and even Coca-Cola. Last year she collaborated with the cosmetic company Mac and produced a make-up palette in homage to her candy-coloured spray cans that she uses for her own masterpieces. In an interview, she said about the experience: “It is regular make-up with Fafi packaging and it is a crazy product with crazy textures.” As with all geniuses it is only a matter of time before others become inspired and reciprocate your ideas in their work. In the Mark Ronson and Lilly Allen video for their song ‘Oh My God,’ featured a faffinette inspired character used to depict Lilly Allen.
She has also made up her own universe of characters, including Eniko, Ermie and Monoka who were all used for the packing for her Mac products. They come from the make believe world of Camine Vault, which is a secret place for her and her work to escape to.
Images sourcd from: www.faffinette.co.fr
Words Will Never Hurt Me
Hailing from East London, Michaela Boakye-Collins is a Spoken Word Poet with a carousel of lyrics ranging from coffee to religion. Jay Star Nine from B*I*T*C*H*£*S catches up with the self described, “funkadelic, soulistic, high-afro-rockin-weirdo.”
Michaela should be a character from a Lewis Carroll novel. Her eccentricity is what makes her endearing to all those that know her. Having a
bout a quadrillion friends in common and always bumping into her at the Theatre Royal Bar in Stratford, it was definitely time to talk to her about her art form. On stage she is electric and her words are volts that pulsate right through you. Her pen is her sword, her vocabulary her amour - leaving you scarred with the vivid memory of her bold and in-your-face style. She is phenomenal. Citing her faith as inspiration, Michaela is a proud Christian, she humorously says: “I see God in a pair of shoes, on a roof and even flickering in a light bulb.” Having only been performing for a few years, Michaela is twenty-one and wrote her first poem at aged eighteen. Her first gig happened after begging a manager in a bar in Ealing to perform her material. Since then, she has performed all over London, including: The Jazz Cafe, Hackney Empire and locally in, Theatre Royal Bar. But her best performance to date was working with the jazz band at a venue called the 'Nuyorican' in New York and describes them as, “the best jazz band alive.” Her confidence protrudes right through her being, in how she sits, talks and looks and when describing her performance style she says: “I infuse a lot of comedy into serious issues to make everything relative to people; I can’t be bothered with all the simile and metaphor stuff. My performance style is pretty passionate and energetic it tells a story even without the words.” With a library of poems under her belt one would assume it would be hard to keep old material fresh, especially pieces that are familiar to the audience, she insists: “I enhance the performance, change it up, add new lines and turn parts into song. You got to keep recreating things. I like my poems to be in transition, so much so, that you would not recognise the same one you heard two years ago.” It is easy to assume that performing your work gets easier but she disagrees: “It is not that much different now, except I’m not so overtly concentrating on the fact that I’m reciting a poem. Now I get to separate myself from the audience, grin at them, do a little dance and think what I am going to have for dinner.” As an audience member she definitely performs poetry for the soul. Cue: snapping fingers. Her poem, ’Miss-First-Class-Degree’ has ruffled some peoples feathers and she informs that she got a bad review where a journalist wrote, ‘it was cliché for a black poet performing a poem about white racists.” It is her candidness not her words that might offend some people. So, who is “Miss-First-Class-Degree with the same qualifications on your CV as me?” Michaela reveals: “Actually, she isn’t white, she is black Caribbean. She lived on my friends halls and this poem is based on those silent ongoing altercations she had with her during her time in dorms.” The poem is about the protagonist asking ‘Miss-First-Class-Degree’ for a pen and her ignoring their request. It is witty and insightful where many probably experience that same situation before.Living in the multicultural East London she believes that her poetry is type-casted for certain events, she ponders: “There seems to be a glass ceiling between myself and middle class events. I hold my faith accountable for that, rather my ethnicity. Black poets don’t scare people as long as you keep calling it Spoken Word. Its Black: pianist, ballet dancers and fine artists that terrify people, so I’ll leave that horror show to them.” Her first album is to be released this year and is called, ‘Fixing Barbie: The Hologram.’ It will be a
miss-matched-mix of: jazz, electro, pop and drama, she enthuses: “Its more one for the sisters, but the guys will love it too. It is very out-of-the-box; it has: emotional, funny and exciting moments, I’m in love with this, you will be too!”
Images sourced from icheala's facebook page
Work it Baby, Work It!
Work IT! Is the most happening hip-hop and r’n’b night to hit art-farty streets of Dalston. Its strict nostalgia on all things nineties makes a trip down memory lane that little less embarrassing. Jay Star Nine from B*I*T*C*H*£*S catches up with Sara El Dabi who is one of the trio that makes the night worth dressing up for.
Sara is fucking cool, you know the type of heads that hang around Hoxton looking all
bad-ass and shit. In fact, if you were to look at the definition of cool, her picture would be there. Work It is one of the few nights in around Shoreditch’s too-cool-for-school hangouts where people actually dance. Strangely enough, the pretentious “I’m wearing all vintage Yves Saint Lauren” is left at the door and people come here to listen to good music and wait for it: have fun. Not only that, its distinctive brand sets it head and shoulders above any other nights. Like that same one-night-stand you have every month Work It is that lust fuelled action you look forward to. Having only started off as a night where Sara and her mates could go to listen to Biggie, it has been running for eleven months and its reputation is continually building. On why the trio started the night, the fresh-face-twenty-six-year-old recalls: “There was a huge trend for doing nights that were eclectic, the three of us would be sitting in a bar wanting to go somewhere to listen just too hip-hop and r’n’b.” The nineties nostalgia is what makes the night, everyone from: the Work It team to the ravers makes an effort to push this theme, she says: “When people hear hip-hop and r’n’b from the nineties it takes you back to when you were at your school disco, when you had your first kiss and even right down to your high-tecks with the air bubbles.” The Work It identity is anally consistent, from selling alcohol in paper bags, to a projection scree
ning of cult teen movie ‘Clueless.’ Their logo has a guy with a sky-scrapping-high-top, enough to rival Kid's from the film'House Party '. This strong identity definitely reminds their regulars of all those house parties they went to in 1993. Getting to this point was a real challenge for the team, having taken weeks to decide on a name for this night let alone its purpose. When describing the concept, Sara says adamantly: “Work It became so concept led, because we wanted a strong theme and visually the whole brand and image of the night was important to us. We spent a lot the time on that before doing the first night.” The amount of effort that went into ensuring people had a good time can be seen by the type of comments left on their facebook wall, one person wrote: “Work It made my birthday a night to remember! Such good dancing to all them tunes from way back when...feet [are] still aching!” This is just one of the many kind words left by satisfied customers. The night has also garnered attention from the mainstream press, it has been written about in The Sunday Times and The Guardian. The journalist, Susie Rushton, for The New York Times included the night for her article about the East London Art Scene. What is unique about Work It is that there is no intended 'it crowd,' so Peaches Geldof would spend hours queuing up like the rest of us. Perhaps based upon her own experience, Sara spoke rather frustratedly about particular clubs using door bitches to determine the worthy from the not-so-worthy. There is no guest list or hint of exclusivity. So if you get there early you will get in, further adding to the house party atmosphere. “I get loads of older people coming to our nights saying there are kids who weren’t even around what that music was about. If they want to have a good time and enjoy themselves, does it really matter?”
Apart from running Work It Sara is a freelance Graphic Designer. She met Loren and Rory, (her partners in crime for establishing the night) whilst studying at Central Saint Martin’s and she cites their course as an inspiration behind the night. Having only got in to hip-hop later in her life, she secretly admits it was all about Brandy and Aaliyah. But she was soon seduced by the conscious sounds of: Jurassic Five, Guru from Gang Starr and Talib Kweli, to name but a few. Which explained her eye-popping-excitement when she found out she was to be playing on the same night as Afrika Bambaataa, one of the forefathers of the Golden Age of hip-hop, Sara explains: “We got a phone call from Modular Records [An Australian Independent Record Label] asking if we were interested in hosting a room for an indoor festival they were doing. They told us in a fleeting moment that Afrika Bambaataa was billed and we were like hell yeah we are doing it.”
Having a niche area of music maybe be challenging, but the Work It team are open to diversifying the night. “We are constantly mixing up our DJs; we get loads of people who play nineties: bashment, reggae and two-step garage. It is important to us, but people still like to hear the key tunes.” Sara honestly reflects that Work It does have a shelf life there maybe be a time where people may get bored and go elsewhere. “Work It won’t last forever, we may go on to do a new night, change the concept or the name. It was missing and so many people wanted it. It is strange that all these clubs are doing r’n’b and hip-hop nights, we have got all these surrogate children popping up.” How do you know when you have had a good time and are still talking about it a week later? Sara enthuses: “If I have danced all night and haven’t stopped. That is all I want pure dancing from the beginning to the end.”
Sara is fucking cool, you know the type of heads that hang around Hoxton looking all
bad-ass and shit. In fact, if you were to look at the definition of cool, her picture would be there. Work It is one of the few nights in around Shoreditch’s too-cool-for-school hangouts where people actually dance. Strangely enough, the pretentious “I’m wearing all vintage Yves Saint Lauren” is left at the door and people come here to listen to good music and wait for it: have fun. Not only that, its distinctive brand sets it head and shoulders above any other nights. Like that same one-night-stand you have every month Work It is that lust fuelled action you look forward to. Having only started off as a night where Sara and her mates could go to listen to Biggie, it has been running for eleven months and its reputation is continually building. On why the trio started the night, the fresh-face-twenty-six-year-old recalls: “There was a huge trend for doing nights that were eclectic, the three of us would be sitting in a bar wanting to go somewhere to listen just too hip-hop and r’n’b.” The nineties nostalgia is what makes the night, everyone from: the Work It team to the ravers makes an effort to push this theme, she says: “When people hear hip-hop and r’n’b from the nineties it takes you back to when you were at your school disco, when you had your first kiss and even right down to your high-tecks with the air bubbles.” The Work It identity is anally consistent, from selling alcohol in paper bags, to a projection scree
ning of cult teen movie ‘Clueless.’ Their logo has a guy with a sky-scrapping-high-top, enough to rival Kid's from the film'House Party '. This strong identity definitely reminds their regulars of all those house parties they went to in 1993. Getting to this point was a real challenge for the team, having taken weeks to decide on a name for this night let alone its purpose. When describing the concept, Sara says adamantly: “Work It became so concept led, because we wanted a strong theme and visually the whole brand and image of the night was important to us. We spent a lot the time on that before doing the first night.” The amount of effort that went into ensuring people had a good time can be seen by the type of comments left on their facebook wall, one person wrote: “Work It made my birthday a night to remember! Such good dancing to all them tunes from way back when...feet [are] still aching!” This is just one of the many kind words left by satisfied customers. The night has also garnered attention from the mainstream press, it has been written about in The Sunday Times and The Guardian. The journalist, Susie Rushton, for The New York Times included the night for her article about the East London Art Scene. What is unique about Work It is that there is no intended 'it crowd,' so Peaches Geldof would spend hours queuing up like the rest of us. Perhaps based upon her own experience, Sara spoke rather frustratedly about particular clubs using door bitches to determine the worthy from the not-so-worthy. There is no guest list or hint of exclusivity. So if you get there early you will get in, further adding to the house party atmosphere. “I get loads of older people coming to our nights saying there are kids who weren’t even around what that music was about. If they want to have a good time and enjoy themselves, does it really matter?”Apart from running Work It Sara is a freelance Graphic Designer. She met Loren and Rory, (her partners in crime for establishing the night) whilst studying at Central Saint Martin’s and she cites their course as an inspiration behind the night. Having only got in to hip-hop later in her life, she secretly admits it was all about Brandy and Aaliyah. But she was soon seduced by the conscious sounds of: Jurassic Five, Guru from Gang Starr and Talib Kweli, to name but a few. Which explained her eye-popping-excitement when she found out she was to be playing on the same night as Afrika Bambaataa, one of the forefathers of the Golden Age of hip-hop, Sara explains: “We got a phone call from Modular Records [An Australian Independent Record Label] asking if we were interested in hosting a room for an indoor festival they were doing. They told us in a fleeting moment that Afrika Bambaataa was billed and we were like hell yeah we are doing it.”
Having a niche area of music maybe be challenging, but the Work It team are open to diversifying the night. “We are constantly mixing up our DJs; we get loads of people who play nineties: bashment, reggae and two-step garage. It is important to us, but people still like to hear the key tunes.” Sara honestly reflects that Work It does have a shelf life there maybe be a time where people may get bored and go elsewhere. “Work It won’t last forever, we may go on to do a new night, change the concept or the name. It was missing and so many people wanted it. It is strange that all these clubs are doing r’n’b and hip-hop nights, we have got all these surrogate children popping up.” How do you know when you have had a good time and are still talking about it a week later? Sara enthuses: “If I have danced all night and haven’t stopped. That is all I want pure dancing from the beginning to the end.”
Images sourced from www.youworkit.co.uk
Ghetto Gal Problem Page
Ghetto Gal, is the straight-talking, tell-you-about-yourself, aunt who gives you agony and who would feel no way to murk, you, your mum and your pet puppy.
Dear Ghetto Gal, I dipped my beak into bad waters and now it hurts every time I pee. What the hell is wrong with me?
It seems that a waste man like you have picked up a nice little STI. It means you idiot a Sexually Transmitted Infection. You must have bunked that PSHE class when those clinic people came in. Have you not seen all those condom adverts on Base, it is made for cheap manz like you, who can’t be arsed to spend £4 on Johnnies. So take your limp dick to a clinic before it drops off, by the way is that where you chirpsed her?
Dear Ghetto Gal, I want to buy a new pair of creps, how can I pay for them?
Get your any-guy-self a job and earn those papes the hard honest way. Go to your local Mc D’s fill out a form then flip those burgers like a stripper in a go-go club. True say, you may be earning less than minimum wage but it is heads like you that do not value the worth of a pound. If all of that is a long ting, then you could hold up JD Sports with an AK47.
Dear Ghetto Gal, My bredrin saw my man with some next chick, should I break up with him?
You better throw his PSP out the window and drag his lying-cheat-ass back to his mum yard. While you are at it, cut of his dick and feed it to him. Nah, that shit can’t go down yous are meant to be in a relationship and ting. You also need to hunt down that chick and slap her up. But, you got to be asking yourself questions still: what was it that you were not doing that your man had to chase next gal?
Dear Ghetto Gal, My friend weaved my hair in the most butterz style, how do I tell her I don’t like it?
What you should be doing is shaving her hair off while she is sleeping. So when she wakes up all she can see is her weave all up on her pillow. Trust, this chick is no friend of yours, she is a snake bruv. You done know you can’t be messing with any hairs on a girls head; she did that shit on purpose. So basically, you will like bun and no manz will chirps you on road.
Dear Ghetto Gal, Should I get my nails did or pay my rent?
What a damn stupid question, wasting my time and shit. It’s fucking obvious: get your nails did. You have to be top of the game and be's looking super fly all day long; just in case some boom ting tries to draw you. You have to remember your priorities: ‘looks’ over ‘roof.’ I am sure, your landlord will understand. If not, you can always crash at your mum’s yard.
Dear Ghetto Girl, It is my mum’s 50th birthday, what should I do for her?
Cook her a meal à la carte: KFC. Dress it with some chips, coleslaw, corn-on-the cob topped off with beans and that shit will go down happy. Don’t be tight though and expect her to eat it out of the box and ting, lay it out nicely on plate with a fork as well. Come on man, it is your mum’s 50th birthday it does only come once.
Once You Go Black: The Survival Guide for the White Male Dating the Black Female
We all know the saying and yep it is pretty true you can’t get better than black loving. Let’s be honest, after mixing your vanilla and chocolate ice creams together and tasting the concoction, you saw black girls in a whole new light. Unfortunately, black girls do not come with a written manual, especially with a FAQ section on comments that can easily offend. We at B*I*T*C*H*£*S are always willing to help those diversify their sexual partners and have compiled a list of things you just shouldn’t think let alone say. If you have already committed any of these misdemeanours - then shame on you. So next time, stay clear from uttering any of these comments. Who knows, you might even get a one-night-stand or well at least not a drink thrown in your face.
You say: “I like black girls because they can cook.”
She hears: “I am talking to you because I see you as my mammie. You know the dependable black house servant who cooked, cleaned and nannying her white master’s children. Yes, I am conjuring up 400 years of the slave trade in one sentence, but what the hell you can be my personal domestic worker.”
You say: “Black girls have the fittest bodies.”
She hears: “Your black female body is for my white male gratification. It is so exotically shaped in comparison to the white girls I usually fuck. I just want to experiment to see if there is a difference and then tell all my friends about it. We all know black girls are really sexual so why don’t you come home with me so I can test the waters?”
You say: “You look just like the black version of...” [Cue: celebrity name]
She hears: “All you black girls look alike and I really can’t tell the difference, so by comparing you to a black female celebrity it should really be a compliment. Plus I am down with the whole black thing because I do know at least one black celebrity.”
You say: “Would the world end if your hair got wet.”
She hears: “Why do black girls fuss over their hair so much? Why does it take you a whole day to wash your hair especially when you put a 1001 and things in it? Because I am ignorant to realise that if I black girl got her hair wet she would melt like the wicked-witch-of-the-west. I ask this stupid question not knowing the outcomes when I mess with black women and their hair.”
You say: “You remind me of my Jamaican ex-girlfriend.”
She hears: “Because all black people are from Jamaica, I assume you must be Jamaican too because, well, she was. I am also trying to tell you how comfortable I am dating outside my race because a person skin colour really does not matter to me; but it really does because I made point of saying of telling you that I had a black girl friend.”
You say: “Is your bum really that big.” [Cue: touching]
She hears: “What is it made of and how do you feed it? I’ve seen it on the television before, but never in real life. I really can’t believe that black girls have such big bums. You should be in a circus freak show for the way it just props right out there. I am allowed to touch it?”
You say: “Am I first white boy?”
She hears: “I know that black girls really don’t date outside their race because I have read a lot of statistics to proves that. So I am just asking to see how racist you are by doing some reverse psychology shit on you to make you feel bad for not having sex with a white guy.”
You say: “All my friends are black.”
She hears: “There was Duwayne and Leon who were the only two black boys in my year, but I never really spoke to them. I am really down with black people and I know everything there is about black culture. I do feel really guilty for the whole slave trade thing, If I could choose I would so be black.
You say: “You are not my first black girl.”
She hears: “I kind of collect black girls, like a weird person who collect stamps, but in a sexual fetish kind of way. I see black girls as a type, because they are just so different to me, like these sexy aliens that I just want to hump.”
You say: “I really like reggae.”
She hears: “I know that all black people listen to reggae. I am trying to show how comfortable I am with black culture and prove my blackness to you. I had even had jerk chicken once before and that was yummy.”
You say: “I like black girls because they can cook.”
She hears: “I am talking to you because I see you as my mammie. You know the dependable black house servant who cooked, cleaned and nannying her white master’s children. Yes, I am conjuring up 400 years of the slave trade in one sentence, but what the hell you can be my personal domestic worker.”
You say: “Black girls have the fittest bodies.”
She hears: “Your black female body is for my white male gratification. It is so exotically shaped in comparison to the white girls I usually fuck. I just want to experiment to see if there is a difference and then tell all my friends about it. We all know black girls are really sexual so why don’t you come home with me so I can test the waters?”
You say: “You look just like the black version of...” [Cue: celebrity name]
She hears: “All you black girls look alike and I really can’t tell the difference, so by comparing you to a black female celebrity it should really be a compliment. Plus I am down with the whole black thing because I do know at least one black celebrity.”
You say: “Would the world end if your hair got wet.”
She hears: “Why do black girls fuss over their hair so much? Why does it take you a whole day to wash your hair especially when you put a 1001 and things in it? Because I am ignorant to realise that if I black girl got her hair wet she would melt like the wicked-witch-of-the-west. I ask this stupid question not knowing the outcomes when I mess with black women and their hair.”
You say: “You remind me of my Jamaican ex-girlfriend.”
She hears: “Because all black people are from Jamaica, I assume you must be Jamaican too because, well, she was. I am also trying to tell you how comfortable I am dating outside my race because a person skin colour really does not matter to me; but it really does because I made point of saying of telling you that I had a black girl friend.”
You say: “Is your bum really that big.” [Cue: touching]
She hears: “What is it made of and how do you feed it? I’ve seen it on the television before, but never in real life. I really can’t believe that black girls have such big bums. You should be in a circus freak show for the way it just props right out there. I am allowed to touch it?”
You say: “Am I first white boy?”
She hears: “I know that black girls really don’t date outside their race because I have read a lot of statistics to proves that. So I am just asking to see how racist you are by doing some reverse psychology shit on you to make you feel bad for not having sex with a white guy.”
You say: “All my friends are black.”
She hears: “There was Duwayne and Leon who were the only two black boys in my year, but I never really spoke to them. I am really down with black people and I know everything there is about black culture. I do feel really guilty for the whole slave trade thing, If I could choose I would so be black.
You say: “You are not my first black girl.”
She hears: “I kind of collect black girls, like a weird person who collect stamps, but in a sexual fetish kind of way. I see black girls as a type, because they are just so different to me, like these sexy aliens that I just want to hump.”
You say: “I really like reggae.”
She hears: “I know that all black people listen to reggae. I am trying to show how comfortable I am with black culture and prove my blackness to you. I had even had jerk chicken once before and that was yummy.”
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