Ghetto Gal Problem Page

Ghetto Gal, is the straight-talking, tell-you-about-yourself, aunt who gives you agony and who would feel no way to murk, you, your mum and your pet puppy.

Dear Ghetto Gal, I dipped my beak into bad waters and now it hurts every time I pee. What the hell is wrong with me?
It seems that a waste man like you have picked up a nice little STI. It means you idiot a Sexually Transmitted Infection. You must have bunked that PSHE class when those clinic people came in. Have you not seen all those condom adverts on Base, it is made for cheap manz like you, who can’t be arsed to spend £4 on Johnnies. So take your limp dick to a clinic before it drops off, by the way is that where you chirpsed her?

Dear Ghetto Gal, I want to buy a new pair of creps, how can I pay for them?
Get your any-guy-self a job and earn those papes the hard honest way. Go to your local Mc D’s fill out a form then flip those burgers like a stripper in a go-go club. True say, you may be earning less than minimum wage but it is heads like you that do not value the worth of a pound. If all of that is a long ting, then you could hold up JD Sports with an AK47.

Dear Ghetto Gal, My bredrin saw my man with some next chick, should I break up with him?
You better throw his PSP out the window and drag his lying-cheat-ass back to his mum yard. While you are at it, cut of his dick and feed it to him. Nah, that shit can’t go down yous are meant to be in a relationship and ting. You also need to hunt down that chick and slap her up. But, you got to be asking yourself questions still: what was it that you were not doing that your man had to chase next gal?

Dear Ghetto Gal, My friend weaved my hair in the most butterz style, how do I tell her I don’t like it?
What you should be doing is shaving her hair off while she is sleeping. So when she wakes up all she can see is her weave all up on her pillow. Trust, this chick is no friend of yours, she is a snake bruv. You done know you can’t be messing with any hairs on a girls head; she did that shit on purpose. So basically, you will like bun and no manz will chirps you on road.

Dear Ghetto Gal, Should I get my nails did or pay my rent?
What a damn stupid question, wasting my time and shit. It’s fucking obvious: get your nails did. You have to be top of the game and be's looking super fly all day long; just in case some boom ting tries to draw you. You have to remember your priorities: ‘looks’ over ‘roof.’ I am sure, your landlord will understand. If not, you can always crash at your mum’s yard.

Dear Ghetto Girl, It is my mum’s 50th birthday, what should I do for her?
Cook her a meal à la carte: KFC. Dress it with some chips, coleslaw, corn-on-the cob topped off with beans and that shit will go down happy. Don’t be tight though and expect her to eat it out of the box and ting, lay it out nicely on plate with a fork as well. Come on man, it is your mum’s 50th birthday it does only come once.