We all know the saying and yep it is pretty true you can’t get better than black loving. Let’s be honest, after mixing your vanilla and chocolate ice creams together and tasting the concoction, you saw black girls in a whole new light. Unfortunately, black girls do not come with a written manual, especially with a FAQ section on comments that can easily offend. We at B*I*T*C*H*£*S are always willing to help those diversify their sexual partners and have compiled a list of things you just shouldn’t think let alone say. If you have already committed any of these misdemeanours - then shame on you. So next time, stay clear from uttering any of these comments. Who knows, you might even get a one-night-stand or well at least not a drink thrown in your face.
You say: “I like black girls because they can cook.”
She hears: “I am talking to you because I see you as my mammie. You know the dependable black house servant who cooked, cleaned and nannying her white master’s children. Yes, I am conjuring up 400 years of the slave trade in one sentence, but what the hell you can be my personal domestic worker.”
You say: “Black girls have the fittest bodies.”
She hears: “Your black female body is for my white male gratification. It is so exotically shaped in comparison to the white girls I usually fuck. I just want to experiment to see if there is a difference and then tell all my friends about it. We all know black girls are really sexual so why don’t you come home with me so I can test the waters?”
You say: “You look just like the black version of...” [Cue: celebrity name]
She hears: “All you black girls look alike and I really can’t tell the difference, so by comparing you to a black female celebrity it should really be a compliment. Plus I am down with the whole black thing because I do know at least one black celebrity.”
You say: “Would the world end if your hair got wet.”
She hears: “Why do black girls fuss over their hair so much? Why does it take you a whole day to wash your hair especially when you put a 1001 and things in it? Because I am ignorant to realise that if I black girl got her hair wet she would melt like the wicked-witch-of-the-west. I ask this stupid question not knowing the outcomes when I mess with black women and their hair.”
You say: “You remind me of my Jamaican ex-girlfriend.”
She hears: “Because all black people are from Jamaica, I assume you must be Jamaican too because, well, she was. I am also trying to tell you how comfortable I am dating outside my race because a person skin colour really does not matter to me; but it really does because I made point of saying of telling you that I had a black girl friend.”
You say: “Is your bum really that big.” [Cue: touching]
She hears: “What is it made of and how do you feed it? I’ve seen it on the television before, but never in real life. I really can’t believe that black girls have such big bums. You should be in a circus freak show for the way it just props right out there. I am allowed to touch it?”
You say: “Am I first white boy?”
She hears: “I know that black girls really don’t date outside their race because I have read a lot of statistics to proves that. So I am just asking to see how racist you are by doing some reverse psychology shit on you to make you feel bad for not having sex with a white guy.”
You say: “All my friends are black.”
She hears: “There was Duwayne and Leon who were the only two black boys in my year, but I never really spoke to them. I am really down with black people and I know everything there is about black culture. I do feel really guilty for the whole slave trade thing, If I could choose I would so be black.
You say: “You are not my first black girl.”
She hears: “I kind of collect black girls, like a weird person who collect stamps, but in a sexual fetish kind of way. I see black girls as a type, because they are just so different to me, like these sexy aliens that I just want to hump.”
You say: “I really like reggae.”
She hears: “I know that all black people listen to reggae. I am trying to show how comfortable I am with black culture and prove my blackness to you. I had even had jerk chicken once before and that was yummy.”
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